5 Signs of Autistic Burnout in Children (and How to Support Recovery)

Understanding Autistic Burnout

0:00 SPEAKER_00: Has your child suddenly lost any skills that they used to have?

0:03 SPEAKER_00: Are they a little bit more withdrawn than usual?

0:06 SPEAKER_00: Has everything that used to work for you, the strategies to support your child, have they maybe stopped working?

0:12 SPEAKER_00: If this is the case, then you might actually be seeing autistic burnout.

0:18 SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Attuned Spectrum Podcast.

0:20 SPEAKER_00: I'm Chantelle Hewitt, an ADHD mum, experienced educator, and autism support coach who understands your path because I also walk it daily.

0:30 SPEAKER_00: This is your space for real conversations that empower your autistic child, yourself, and your family to thrive.

0:37 SPEAKER_00: Here, we respect neurodiversity, cheer on advocacy, and leave judgment at the door.

0:43 SPEAKER_00: Join me inside this week's episode.

0:51 SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to episode four, Five Signs of Autistic Burnout in Children.

0:57 SPEAKER_00: I just want to say how important it is that we understand and recognize autistic burnout in children.

1:06 SPEAKER_00: Today we will be talking about something that every parent of an autistic child needs to understand, but far too people actually discuss.

1:14 SPEAKER_00: And that is autistic burnout in children, what it looks like, how it happens, and how to support their recovery.

1:22 SPEAKER_00: I'll just paint a little picture for you.

1:24 SPEAKER_00: Has your child suddenly lost any skills that they used to have?

1:28 SPEAKER_00: Are they a little bit more withdrawn than usual?

1:30 SPEAKER_00: Has everything that used to work for you, the strategies to support your child, have they maybe stopped working?

1:36 SPEAKER_00: If this is the case, then you might actually be seeing autistic burnout.

1:39 SPEAKER_00: And this episode could really make positive change in your child, in yourself, and in your family.

1:45 SPEAKER_00: The misunderstanding here is that autistic burnout isn't real or serious.

1:50 SPEAKER_00: And in reality, that is completely wrong and it's misunderstood.

1:54 SPEAKER_00: It is mistaken for behavioral regressions, mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.

2:00 SPEAKER_00: Teachers may look at your child as defiant or an increased amount of defiance or even attention-seeking behavior.

2:08 SPEAKER_00: That is quoted attention-seeking behavior.

2:11 SPEAKER_00: The hope here for this episode is that you understand what autistic burnout actually is and that you know how to recognize any signs that your child may be in autistic burnout, and then how to support their recovery.

2:25 SPEAKER_00: In today's episode, I'll touch on five signs that every parent needs to recognize and understand to really know if their child is experiencing burnout or if it is just a rough couple of days or a couple of weeks that are because of something else.

2:42 SPEAKER_00: The difference here is that autistic burnout for an autistic child is characterized by extreme fatigue and exhaustion.

2:51 SPEAKER_00: And it usually lasts for at least three months.

2:54 SPEAKER_00: It can last for much longer than that.

2:55 SPEAKER_00: I know my son, before we realized that he was in burnout, it was it was actually like up to a year, which actually it sounds that sounds like a lot for him, and it was.

3:06 SPEAKER_00: But once we realized that he was in burnout, we were able to support him to get out of it and to recover from it.

3:12 SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean it will never pop back into his life.

3:16 SPEAKER_00: But once we were able to recognize we could support and we can prevent it from happening again in the same frequency and intensity that it happened last time.

3:26 SPEAKER_00: So I will go over five key signs.

Sign 1: Loss of Skills

3:29 SPEAKER_00: Sign number one is loss of previously mastered skills.

3:32 SPEAKER_00: This is a skill regression.

3:34 SPEAKER_00: So something that your child used to do quite well or competently, and all of a sudden, almost like its switch was flipped overnight.

3:44 SPEAKER_00: They are suddenly struggling.

3:47 SPEAKER_00: And this will last for quite some time.

3:50 SPEAKER_00: So this isn't just a bad morning or a bad week.

3:54 SPEAKER_00: This is constant draining nervous system overdrive for your child.

4:00 SPEAKER_00: So some examples of a skill regression, they can be communication based.

4:05 SPEAKER_00: So your child could be mastering some new words, and then all of a sudden, for quite some time, they lose those words.

4:13 SPEAKER_00: Or it could be basic tasks like being able to dress themselves, and then all of a sudden they're not able to because there's so much more going on and their nervous system cannot cope with all the demand.

4:25 SPEAKER_00: Another keynote is that this isn't a normal fluctuation.

4:28 SPEAKER_00: So a burnout regression, it does feel sudden and it feels really significant.

4:33 SPEAKER_00: The parents that I've worked with, and I would agree as well, have described that it's like their child has disappeared overnight or they've lost months of progress in just a matter of weeks.

4:44 SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't just change with you adopting a new strategy, unless that strategy is what supports burnout recovery.

4:53 SPEAKER_00: So what is actually happening, a skill regression during burnout, it's not a behavioral or attention-seeking method or manipulation that your child is putting in place at home or at school.

5:05 SPEAKER_00: It's actually neurological.

5:07 SPEAKER_00: And it has to do with their nervous system being chronically overwhelmed and their brain goes into protection mode.

5:13 SPEAKER_00: So those executive functioning and the higher order skills that already are a struggle for young children to learn and to put into practice, they become inaccessible because their energy is all being thrown at basic survival.

5:28 SPEAKER_00: Just mentioned that autistic burnout, the regressions that come with it, they are not permanent regressions.

5:34 SPEAKER_00: So try to keep yourself calm during this and really focus on the recovery for your child.

5:40 SPEAKER_00: Because once their nervous system is back to a safe place and they can cope and they are well, then these skills that they have regressed on, they will start to come back.

5:49 SPEAKER_00: So please trust that the skills will return.

5:51 SPEAKER_00: I know that's that's hard when they've worked so hard for something and you can see that, and then all of a sudden it's gone.

Sign 2: Increased Emotional Dysregulation

5:58 SPEAKER_00: I will touch on sign number two of what to look out for, and that is increased emotional dysregulation.

6:04 SPEAKER_00: So specifically, these would be emotional regulation moments that they would normally or have worked quite hard on to be able to regulate.

6:14 SPEAKER_00: And all of a sudden, they just can't anymore.

6:17 SPEAKER_00: They're just, they're not coping.

6:18 SPEAKER_00: Seemingly small triggers to yourself or to somebody else or to a teacher who knows your child, they might pick up on that that's causing a huge reaction that it normally wouldn't in your child.

6:31 SPEAKER_00: Meltdowns may be increasing in frequency and intensity.

6:36 SPEAKER_00: And coming back to that point that the strategies that used to work, they probably don't.

6:41 SPEAKER_00: So if we kind of look at why this happens during burnout, emotional regulation, which is already so challenging for autistic children, it becomes that much harder.

6:51 SPEAKER_00: So their nervous system has less capacity to manage and to work through those big feelings, let alone even identify the feelings.

6:59 SPEAKER_00: And that's where also that loss of regression comes in.

7:01 SPEAKER_00: I'll say it again because I think this is so important, especially for getting this point across to teachers who work with your child, is that this is not behavior.

7:10 SPEAKER_00: This is not chosen manipulation.

7:13 SPEAKER_00: Okay.

7:14 SPEAKER_00: This is a nervous system in meltdown response and it needs to feel safe again.

Sign 3: Withdrawal

7:19 SPEAKER_00: Okay, sign number three, withdrawal and decreased communication.

7:24 SPEAKER_00: So the decreased communication that kind of goes hand in hand with that loss of regression.

7:28 SPEAKER_00: And maybe you can kind of see here that the biggest thing is all leading to all this pressure, all these demands that your child used to be able to cope with and work through.

7:40 SPEAKER_00: And they could have been quite regulated as they were working through these things throughout their day.

7:45 SPEAKER_00: But because of this accumulation of demands and masking who they are, their autistic traits, whether that's at school, whether that's at home, what, whether that's going out or family functions, things like that, it is very taxing on an autistic child and it is so draining on their energy.

8:04 SPEAKER_00: So it's that accumulation, one thing on top of the other that really just drains their nervous system.

8:11 SPEAKER_00: And their battery is just low, their capacity is low, and the burnout comes from when the battery is fully flat.

8:18 SPEAKER_00: And that's when the strategies come in to rebuild and recharge and nurture your child's nervous system again.

8:25 SPEAKER_00: Some other examples that you could see in your child are that you might have a child who is really talkative, like my son, for example, really chatty, really wanting to monopolize play and really be in there with our family and always have the last word or the first one racing to the door.

8:44 SPEAKER_00: And for months, he he was actually just quite inwards and quiet.

8:48 SPEAKER_00: And there's nothing wrong with being inwards.

8:50 SPEAKER_00: He he does have those traits, but it just wasn't him.

8:53 SPEAKER_00: So that was something that we picked up on.

8:55 SPEAKER_00: They could even withdraw from activities that they love and that they enjoy.

8:59 SPEAKER_00: So those special interests or those passions that mean so much to them, which normally are a way that they regulate, and you might notice that they are withdrawn from those activities.

9:09 SPEAKER_00: So just touching on why.

9:11 SPEAKER_00: So understanding why this happens and then kind of piecing this all together.

9:14 SPEAKER_00: So everything that we do in life requires energy for an autistic person who is masking in a world that doesn't support their natural ways of being is so challenging, but it is exhausting.

9:29 SPEAKER_00: And I'm speaking from my own experience, and that's as an adult.

9:33 SPEAKER_00: So I could imagine that your child is feeling so exhausted and so overwhelmed.

9:41 SPEAKER_00: And it's just really hard when your battery goes flat.

9:45 SPEAKER_00: And yeah, we just we really need to charge that back up again.

Sign 4: Increased Sensory Overwhelm

9:49 SPEAKER_00: Sign number four, extreme sensitivity to sensory stimuli or sensory input.

9:55 SPEAKER_00: You may notice that your child has sensory differences, but what could be happening is that there's sensory differences that you've come to know and come to support.

10:06 SPEAKER_00: All of a sudden, if your child's in burnout, it could be extra intense.

10:11 SPEAKER_00: It could be that they only will eat a certain food where before they were quite happy to eat multiple types of food.

10:20 SPEAKER_00: It could be that they actually sought out noise and liked that as background noise or were quite loud in their play.

10:27 SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden, they're not able to handle that.

10:30 SPEAKER_00: So just have a look for those changes in their sensory responses.

10:35 SPEAKER_00: A parent that I worked with, they actually realized that their daughter was in burnout when she started wearing noise-canceling headphones, and she hadn't ever worn them before at home.

10:46 SPEAKER_00: It was only at school.

10:47 SPEAKER_00: And they did notice that there was this shift, and they thought that's so strange.

10:51 SPEAKER_00: Why all of a sudden is she wearing these nonstop?

10:55 SPEAKER_00: And that wasn't the only thing, but that was the key thing that they observed.

11:00 SPEAKER_00: And that observation, that knowing their child, that helped them understand that she was in burnout and that they needed to intervene right away.

Sign 5: Sleep and Appetite Changes

11:10 SPEAKER_00: Sign number five, sleep and appetite changes.

11:13 SPEAKER_00: Sleep.

11:14 SPEAKER_00: If you're listening and your autistic child does not have any challenges with their sleep, I am so happy for you.

11:23 SPEAKER_00: Sleep is really hard.

11:24 SPEAKER_00: I won't get into that, but sleep is a big concern for a lot of families who have autistic children and their patterns are just quite different.

11:33 SPEAKER_00: So if there are even more sleep disruptions above and beyond the norm of their sleep differences that your child has, then that is also something that could be ringing alarm bells.

11:45 SPEAKER_00: So for example, if you had a child who slept 10 hours through the night, quite happily went to bed and possibly woke up early, but you know, was quite happy to sleep through the night.

11:55 SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden they were waking up.

11:57 SPEAKER_00: And that wasn't a phase and it didn't seem to stop.

11:59 SPEAKER_00: That is something to take note of.

12:01 SPEAKER_00: Same with if they used to sleep until seven o'clock in the morning and all of a sudden they started waking at 4 30 and there wasn't any change to napping, no big developmental leaps that you were aware of, things like that.

12:12 SPEAKER_00: And the same goes with their appetite changes.

12:15 SPEAKER_00: So they may start eating much less than normal.

12:17 SPEAKER_00: They may start to refuse the foods that they usually love to eat, or they might be eating very specific foods for comfort.

12:25 SPEAKER_00: And this is their safety response there.

12:28 SPEAKER_00: They could show more rigidity about their food preferences that you hadn't noticed before.

12:32 SPEAKER_00: So as we kind of connect these five possible signs.

12:36 SPEAKER_00: So again, we'll say your child may not have all these signs and they may have other signs, but the biggest thing is that their emotional regulation will look different.

12:45 SPEAKER_00: They will be fatigued and exhausted, and they may have a loss of skills or a regression.

12:51 SPEAKER_00: And connecting everything together.

12:53 SPEAKER_00: So burnout affects all regulatory systems.

12:56 SPEAKER_00: It affects your sleep, your appetite, your emotional regulation.

13:00 SPEAKER_00: Everything here is connected to nervous system functioning and functioning well.

13:04 SPEAKER_00: So you can probably imagine how if you don't have the capacity, or if your child doesn't have the capacity, because their nervous system, their energy is so flat, because they are in burnout, all of these things would be so hard to manage within themselves.

Supporting Recovery

13:20 SPEAKER_00: Okay, I would like to take a pause.

13:22 SPEAKER_00: We've just covered five possible signs of autistic burnout that your child could be experiencing or showing you.

13:30 SPEAKER_00: And some of them could be brand new for you to consider, or you may just be connecting some dots right now, or maybe they don't mean much to you at this time, which is also fine.

13:42 SPEAKER_00: So have a little reflect moment.

13:45 SPEAKER_00: And I'd like you to think of one way that you could support your child if they are in burnout.

13:52 SPEAKER_00: If this isn't reflective of your current situation, please feel free to skip through.

13:57 SPEAKER_00: But just have a think: how could you support them?

14:04 SPEAKER_00: Okay, welcome back from your reflection.

14:06 SPEAKER_00: Now we will discuss supporting recovery before we wrap up this episode.

14:10 SPEAKER_00: I am really curious though to know what you came up with.

14:13 SPEAKER_00: If you did reflect, so please pop that in the comments below, whether you are listening on Spotify, on Apple Podcasts, or if you're watching the YouTube video, please drop a comment below.

14:23 SPEAKER_00: I would love to know.

14:24 SPEAKER_00: And I think the community of people who are either listening or watching, they want to know as well.

14:31 SPEAKER_00: There's something really special about connecting with a group of people who are going through similar things to you and your family and your child just helps us make sense of it a little bit.

14:40 SPEAKER_00: So I will say, so going back to that supporting recovery, the main point here is that burnout is recoverable with the right support.

14:48 SPEAKER_00: So if we know how to support your child, if you know how to support your child, I should say, then they will come out of this.

14:55 SPEAKER_00: But the key here is that you have to be aware, which if you are here listening, I know that you're aware, which is amazing.

15:02 SPEAKER_00: So I am not going to be listing these in any order, but pick what works.

15:07 SPEAKER_00: Something might stand out to you.

15:08 SPEAKER_00: The recovery essentials, reducing demands.

15:12 SPEAKER_00: So what this looks like is it could be taking a break from school.

15:16 SPEAKER_00: It could be taking a break from your therapies, it could be removing extra curriculars.

15:22 SPEAKER_00: So any of those things that increase that input for your child's nervous system.

15:27 SPEAKER_00: And essentially what we're doing when we've reduced these demands, these expectations on your child is that you are increasing your nervous system support or their nervous system support.

15:38 SPEAKER_00: So they could have more breaks, they can have more time to choose what they want to do.

15:45 SPEAKER_00: Even if that is just sitting at home, they might really crave that or being in a safe space.

15:51 SPEAKER_00: You may need to make a lot of sensory accommodations, you might need to increase predictability.

15:56 SPEAKER_00: So this might be a whole overhaul and this might take some time.

15:59 SPEAKER_00: And there will be trial and error as well.

16:01 SPEAKER_00: So we can bring in other supports, whether that's emotional regulation supports, environment supports, sensory supports.

16:09 SPEAKER_00: If you are your child's co-regulator, which I shouldn't assume, but I am assuming that you are a main co-regulator, if not the main co-regulator of your child, if you are listening to this episode.

16:20 SPEAKER_00: And you may need to actually plan a specific time where you are so uninterrupted and it's just you and your child.

16:28 SPEAKER_00: Even if they may not show that they want you in their space, you can just be available to them and just see what happens, see what that connection-based thinking does.

16:38 SPEAKER_00: And also really important to discuss what not to do.

16:42 SPEAKER_00: Please don't add more interventions during this time.

16:45 SPEAKER_00: The biggest intervention is to support your child's nervous system.

16:49 SPEAKER_00: And even though sometimes we think that's layering different things, it's actually really pulling back on the layers and allowing them to rest.

16:57 SPEAKER_00: Another thing of what not to do is do not punish regression.

17:02 SPEAKER_00: Regression is not a behavioral choice.

17:04 SPEAKER_00: A lot of the times, children won't even realize what is going on.

17:08 SPEAKER_00: And it takes a lot of awareness for them to, in the in the moment, they're actually probably not aware of what's going on.

17:15 SPEAKER_00: But once they come out of that regression, they may be better able to understand.

17:20 SPEAKER_00: And even then, it is not something to punish.

17:22 SPEAKER_00: This is something to support.

17:24 SPEAKER_00: I believe that goes without saying, but I just wanted to throw that in there.

17:28 SPEAKER_00: This is not behavioral.

17:30 SPEAKER_00: This is nothing to punish.

17:31 SPEAKER_00: This is something that they need your support with, your co-regulation with.

17:35 SPEAKER_00: Another thing not to do is not to rush recovery.

17:39 SPEAKER_00: Things take time.

17:40 SPEAKER_00: Don't worry about rushing recovery.

17:42 SPEAKER_00: This is something that takes time.

17:44 SPEAKER_00: Your child needs time.

17:46 SPEAKER_00: They need space.

17:47 SPEAKER_00: It can be tempting if you have some good days to begin bringing them back up, whether it's introducing school again or putting them back to full days or jumping back into Lego Club, whatever that might be.

17:58 SPEAKER_00: Of course, try it if that's what you feel is right, but just be aware that it will take time and it doesn't need to be rushed.

18:05 SPEAKER_00: And lastly, please don't blame yourself.

18:07 SPEAKER_00: Again, you are here, you've shown up, you're very aware, and that makes all the difference.

18:12 SPEAKER_00: So the good thing here to know is that children can and do recover from autistic burnout.

18:18 SPEAKER_00: And that is with the understanding and the support, the reduced demands, the nervous system safety that your child feels because of your impacts and the strategies that you've used.

18:30 SPEAKER_00: I've noticed this in my own family multiple times, in myself, and in so many of the families that I've worked with.

18:36 SPEAKER_00: Okay, and a recap: these five signs that you could look out for to see if your child is in autistic burnout are a loss of skills or a regression, emotional dysregulation, withdrawal, sensory sensitivities, and sleep and appetite changes.

18:52 SPEAKER_00: Please remember this is not a behavioral choice.

18:54 SPEAKER_00: Their nervous system is struggling.

18:57 SPEAKER_00: But good thing that you are here to support them through it.

19:00 SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that was a wrap on autistic burnout.

19:03 SPEAKER_00: If you have something to share, please share it in the comments.

19:06 SPEAKER_00: I would love to know your experience if you are happy to share.

19:09 SPEAKER_00: And I'm always happy to help as well.

19:12 SPEAKER_00: So please don't be shy.

19:14 SPEAKER_00: Either send an email to hello at chantelhewitt.com or write in the comments.

19:18 SPEAKER_00: How can we help?

19:19 SPEAKER_00: How can your community help?

19:21 SPEAKER_00: And speaking of community, I would love to invite you to be one of our first 100 founding members of our Connection First community.

19:30 SPEAKER_00: This Connection First community is a space that I am so proud of, years in the making.

19:36 SPEAKER_00: And I cannot wait to welcome our first 100 members and share this experience of growth, of community, of learning in a very neuro-affirming way with all of you.

19:51 SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much and have a great rest of your day.

19:57 SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for allowing me into your world today.

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20:30 SPEAKER_00: I'm Chantel, and I'll see you next week.