I Got It Wrong About PDA Autistic Burnout: What Actually Got This Family Unstuck
About this episode
We're diving into the heartfelt journey of Zara, a Raising PDA community member, who’s here to share her incredible transformation with her 8 - year old son, who recently faced PDA and Autistic burnout.
It’s a tough road, but Zara’s story shares hope and finding a way forward, reminding us that things can get better, with the right support and tools. She talks about the specific challenges they faced, the changes they made, and the support that helped them navigate their way out of autistic and PDA burnout.
Through her journey, she shares how she's learned that it’s okay to step back, to adjust her expectations, and most importantly, shows us how we can let our children lead their own recovery.
This episode is all about hope and the reminder that we are not alone on this journey, and that there is a way out of burnout (it just may take a different path than what you thought).
This is a conversation that will resonate with many parents of PDA, Autistic and neurodivergent children. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or like you’re stuck in the trenches of burnout and school refusal, Zara’s experience is a reassuring light that shows you’re not alone.
Takeaways:
- It's essential to understand that every family's journey with neurodiversity is unique and personal.
- What low demand in burnout actually looks like
- Creating a supportive environment for your child can significantly help them through tough times.
- Advocating for your child's needs is crucial; don't be afraid to push for what they require.
- Taking breaks and slowing down can be beneficial for both parents and children during stressful periods.
- Finding a community that understands your challenges can provide immense support and encouragement.
- Remember, healing takes time; be patient with yourself and your child's progress.
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<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:00:00</time>
<p>Hello and welcome to another episode of the Attuned Spectrum podcast.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:00:04</time>
<p>I'm so thrilled today to introduce you to a raising PDA community member who has gone through an incredible transformation within her family.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:16</time>
<p>Welcome to the Attuned Spectrum podcast.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:18</time>
<p>I'm Chantal Hewitt, an ADHD mom, experienced educator, and autism support coach who understands your path because I also walk it daily.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:28</time>
<p>This is your space for real conversations and that empower your autistic child, yourself and your family to thrive here.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:35</time>
<p>We respect neurodiversity, cheer on advocacy, and leave judgment at the door.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:40</time>
<p>Join me inside this week's episode.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:00:48</time>
<p>I am so grateful that Zara has agreed to come on today and share a bit of her story with you about her struggles, about her son in burnout, about things that she found helpful with the hopes of reaching people who may have been in her position or who are in her position now.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:09</time>
<p>And just so they know that there is this way forward and that it maybe won't be like this forever.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:17</time>
<p>So, without further ado, I would like to welcome Zara onto the Attuned Spectrum podcast.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:25</time>
<p>Welcome.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:26</time>
<p>Welcome.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:01:26</time>
<p>Tal.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:27</time>
<p>Hi, how are you?</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:01:28</time>
<p>Yeah, great.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:01:29</time>
<p>Thank you.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:29</time>
<p>Thank you so much for being here today.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:31</time>
<p>And I do just want to acknowledge that it is such a personal journey and everyone's journey will of course, be so different to listen to the progress or the shift that someone has made when it feels like it's so far away for us in the moment that we're in, I just find that that is.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:50</time>
<p>It can be so reassuring.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:51</time>
<p>It can be helpful.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:53</time>
<p>And yeah, I'm just.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:54</time>
<p>I cannot wait to hear more from your perspective.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:57</time>
<p>Even though we do know each other and we kind of walk this journey alongside you.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:02</time>
<p>But I'm sure that there are things that maybe I don't know that also would be amazing to hear.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:08</time>
<p>So would you like to start wherever feels comfortable?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:11</time>
<p>But perhaps it would be helpful to.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:14</time>
<p>To get a picture so the audience who's listening so they can see where you started from.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:02:19</time>
<p>Okay, so probably started at the end of last year.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:02:24</time>
<p>It all started to fall apart and our son became really uncomfortable with school and started to do things that he had never done before, like leaving us had always been hard, but he started to run away from school and getting him there was really hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:02:42</time>
<p>And it kind of stemmed from having lots of different relief teachers and things changing all the time in the end of year.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:02:50</time>
<p>And we noticed it had been a pattern every end of year.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:02:52</time>
<p>But last year it got particularly bad and anxiety seemed to grow a lot, and he just became a real Shell of himself.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:01</time>
<p>And then the summer holiday happened, which was really hard because he.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:06</time>
<p>We'd been to see different people to try and get help and they suggested different medication, which then made it even worse.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:14</time>
<p>He just.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:16</time>
<p>Nothing brought him joy anymore.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:18</time>
<p>We couldn't leave the house.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:20</time>
<p>He became really violent and any demands placed on him were so hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:26</time>
<p>And I guess that was the rock bottom.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:28</time>
<p>And it was.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:29</time>
<p>I'd never thought of burnout until my mum said to me about a friend of hers who had a son about the same age.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:38</time>
<p>Our son was eight at the time when that happened.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:42</time>
<p>And then I was at a book club, which I wasn't going to go to because leaving the house just became so hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:50</time>
<p>And I.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:03:51</time>
<p>And then one of my friends at book club said, hey, the next day actually messaged me about getting in touch with you, Chantal.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:01</time>
<p>That kind of started the understanding of, I think this is what our son is going through.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:08</time>
<p>And so probably December, January of 2026, 2026 at the start of this year was when it all just got so hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:18</time>
<p>And then leading up to school starting again, that was really hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:24</time>
<p>And he said, like, he was never, ever going to go back.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:26</time>
<p>And it became pretty clear the first day we entered school.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:30</time>
<p>He entered for about five minutes and then left and didn't go back.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:34</time>
<p>Didn't know what to do or there was no one.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:36</time>
<p>We didn't have a word for what was happening and we didn't.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:42</time>
<p>Didn't understand.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:43</time>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:44</time>
<p>And thinking back now to where we.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:04:48</time>
<p>What it was like, it was so hard, like living through that time when he wasn't himself and I guess just so angry and nothing like he is normally.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:05:02</time>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:02</time>
<p>So you've.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:03</time>
<p>You've got your.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:04</time>
<p>Your son back.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:05:06</time>
<p>Yes.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:05:06</time>
<p>Yes, it feels like we do, which is amazing.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:09</time>
<p>And so if we look at.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:10</time>
<p>Cause one of the questions that I get so often when I start working with families is how soon will they come out of burnout?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:19</time>
<p>Or how.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:21</time>
<p>How long does this process take?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:23</time>
<p>Or even.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:23</time>
<p>Okay, we've removed so many demands to support that autonomy or control and kind of recovery from burnout.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:30</time>
<p>But when can we start reintroducing things?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:33</time>
<p>So I think my question for you is if you can and doesn't need to be exact, but was this something that you would say happened overnight or was this something that.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:43</time>
<p>That took time and if so, like, what did that timeframe kind of look like and was it all linear or do you think that, you know, you would try something and then it would work or then you had to try again?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:55</time>
<p>Does that kind of make Sense my three question, definitely.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:00</time>
<p>So it became pretty clear come February that I would have to give up work to help him through this.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:07</time>
<p>So we did that.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:09</time>
<p>And for one whole school term, I couldn't even get him anywhere near the school grounds.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:15</time>
<p>And he pretty much just stayed home and didn't really do much at all.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:22</time>
<p>And we made sure that that's what happened.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:25</time>
<p>And we kind of couldn't leave him either because he was so anxious.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:31</time>
<p>And then term two, we had the idea, like, we always talked about possibly going back to school, but it was kind of felt in the distance, and he had no interest in it at all.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:43</time>
<p>And then it wasn't until probably week five of term two, he said that he.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:50</time>
<p>Actually, what it was was he saw some friends from his school at the playground, and they were so happy to see him.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:06:56</time>
<p>And I think he was thinking he had missed so much school, that how could he go back?</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:00</time>
<p>Because everyone's gonna think, where have I been?</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:03</time>
<p>But I just talked to him about how people missed him and they just liked having him around.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:09</time>
<p>And then from there, he started to go into the school grounds, but only a very little bit.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:16</time>
<p>And then each day he would go further and further.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:19</time>
<p>And then eventually he made it into his class.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:23</time>
<p>And the progress there was kind of felt like no progress for maybe four months.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:29</time>
<p>And then maybe in the fifth month, he got the autonomy and started to do things on his own and lead that.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:37</time>
<p>And I think that was the most important thing, that we didn't push him at all, because anytime we pushed him, it went so far back.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:46</time>
<p>So we just really had to follow his lead.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:49</time>
<p>And that is quite a hard thing to do, just to give up, not power over him, but, like, to let him lead that.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:56</time>
<p>And then.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:56</time>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:07:57</time>
<p>Now where he is is he started this third term afia of actually going into class at the start of the day and being with his classmates and happy and wanting to go to school.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:08:08</time>
<p>And that was the shift that he decided that he wanted to go.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:08:11</time>
<p>It was a long time, a good six months.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:08:14</time>
<p>But then the progress recently seems to have been really fast and steady because he's kind of getting that momentum.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:08:23</time>
<p>Like, I think at the start of this last term, we would be where we are now.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:08:28</time>
<p>That I can sit and have this conversation with you while he is at school.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:32</time>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:33</time>
<p>And I can just.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:34</time>
<p>I mean, the listeners can't say this, but you have a big smile on your face when you said that.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:37</time>
<p>And.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:08:38</time>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:38</time>
<p>And I think it's like.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:39</time>
<p>And also just for those who are listening, because I know that there are so many PDA ers who.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:43</time>
<p>Who cannot access school.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:45</time>
<p>So I'm not.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:46</time>
<p>We are.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:46</time>
<p>There's no discredit to homeschooling.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:48</time>
<p>I think that that is genuinely a reality.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:51</time>
<p>And school doesn't have to be like.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:54</time>
<p>It does not have to look the same.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:55</time>
<p>Right.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:55</time>
<p>Cause I know, Zara, that you even had like you were saying, you know, you took a big break off work.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:00</time>
<p>You're still.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:00</time>
<p>Work looks a lot different for you right now than it did before.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:09:03</time>
<p>Yeah, I'm still only working one day a week because when he does go to school, I have to.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:09:08</time>
<p>We have check in times and it's just him seeing me like a quick see me know I'm there.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:09:14</time>
<p>And thankfully we live so close to school.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:09:17</time>
<p>But I'm not going to rush back into any work because that will then put stress on the family and we don't need any extra stress.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:25</time>
<p>No, let's make it as stress free as possible.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:09:28</time>
<p>And he does.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:09:29</time>
<p>His school for him isn't full time and it won't look, that's not the goal for a long time.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:09:35</time>
<p>The goal is that he.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:09:36</time>
<p>Any time he has at school is a happy time and there's no stress around that because of what has happened.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:44</time>
<p>And I think that that is so important that.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:46</time>
<p>And I'm not sure if it's something.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:49</time>
<p>I think it's also just ingrained that like education and you know, getting or gaining an education looks a certain way or that it has to be at the same speed or the same pace and then you fall behind.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:59</time>
<p>But I think it is incredible that you can actually see that he was in such a space to not.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:05</time>
<p>He was not.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:06</time>
<p>He was not able to attend school to even learn.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:08</time>
<p>And I think that you were saying like the goal there still isn't like it should not at least this is me.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:15</time>
<p>A goal for education should be about belonging and making sure that they feel safe and secure and supported, opposed to kind of jumping and going, okay, well we've made it through the doors again, therefore let's jump back into the academic side of things.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:30</time>
<p>You know what I mean?</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:10:31</time>
<p>And I. Yeah, definitely not.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:10:34</time>
<p>That's not our goal at all.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:10:35</time>
<p>Which is great that everyone working with him is on the same side.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:39</time>
<p>Yeah, but.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:10:41</time>
<p>And the judgment of people as well.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:43</time>
<p>Yeah, well, I was going to say, like, what do you.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:45</time>
<p>Because I think we can definitely talk about judgment if you're happy to.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:48</time>
<p>Because that, I know, is something that people experience so much and it might be helpful to hear your side of that.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:10:56</time>
<p>The Autonomy cup and how that needed to be his one just continually needed to be full because it was so empty and how he didn't start with that and I think that was a good mind shift thing for us to think about and also just to let go of what the social norms were and that no one is actually going through what we're going through or they don't understand like they don't see the.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:11:27</time>
<p>How it is at our home or things like that.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:11:31</time>
<p>And just that letting go of what people think and it's hard just I guess understanding more of what is going on.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:11:41</time>
<p>And your, your work really helped with that.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:11:43</time>
<p>That having little scraps too in my head that I could say to people when they would question it or something was helpful.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:11:51</time>
<p>It doesn't matter.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:11:52</time>
<p>But even now I find like as a parent that perceived judgment or the.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:11:57</time>
<p>Even in a friend circle or just if you go out and if you parent differently, oh, I can see low demand works or I can see that this is so helpful.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:12:06</time>
<p>But then when I talk about it with someone who doesn't understand or they don't know what it's like, you know, in our homes, like you just said something.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:12:13</time>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:12:15</time>
<p>Do you have any.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:12:15</time>
<p>Yeah, just letting go of that stuff.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:12:17</time>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:12:18</time>
<p>Do you have any guidance that you would offer somebody who might be listening going yeah, I can't stand that judgment or how do you get through it?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:12:26</time>
<p>Like how, how do you, how are you confident and okay with your approach that you know, has helped your boy and you know, supported your family's well being?</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:12:35</time>
<p>I guess I just look at him now and see how happy he is and that this wouldn't have happened had we not stopped everything.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:12:47</time>
<p>And I guess finding a community that understands because you can let go of it all you want what other people say but if you don't have someone to talk to or that does understand, that's really hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:13:04</time>
<p>Like I don't think I would have got through it had I not had a few other.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:13:08</time>
<p>There's not many people but a few other people who got it because that's really important too.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:13:16</time>
<p>Especially because often with your partner you could be at different stages of understanding the journey and you can't always talk to them about it in that way.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:13:25</time>
<p>I can't really say take self care practices and stuff because when you're in it, you don't have any time.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:13:31</time>
<p>No, you really don't sometime.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:13:33</time>
<p>Well, a lot of the time it's.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:13:35</time>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:13:36</time>
<p>When it's that hard and also just, I don't know, like it's hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:13:42</time>
<p>But keep fighting the health care and Trying to get answers that way, pushing for it, even though you feel like you're real can be so annoying because you're constantly asking.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:13:56</time>
<p>But, yeah, that sort of stuff.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:13:58</time>
<p>And it's.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:13:59</time>
<p>I was just having this conversation with someone right before I've, you know, got on this recording with you, and it was.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:04</time>
<p>It was about knowing that they had to advocate for their child with an education.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:09</time>
<p>But they.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:10</time>
<p>There's just something where they.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:11</time>
<p>It's hard because not many parents have to push and push and push.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:16</time>
<p>Like, there's, I think, with a neurodivergent child when you're supporting their education needs.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:21</time>
<p>And I say this a lot, but I genuinely like Mina and not in a bad way, but in like a.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:26</time>
<p>You know, the parents are the ones who will fight or the caregivers fight the hardest for their child.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:32</time>
<p>It's not that the school won't care.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:34</time>
<p>The school, of course, will care.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:35</time>
<p>But also the school has hundreds, sometimes if not thousands, depending on how old your child is, of other people to care for.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:42</time>
<p>And it doesn't mean that they don't care.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:43</time>
<p>But I just.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:44</time>
<p>I do hope that if anyone is struggling with advocacy and that judgment from it, which, yeah, it's there, I feel it too sometimes, but that you are doing the absolute best, best thing by your child.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:14:56</time>
<p>Even if somebody else, if it feels a bit uncomfortable or if you don't want to hurt their feelings, that's on them.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:01</time>
<p>You know, your child needs that support.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:04</time>
<p>If someone doesn't understand pda.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:15:06</time>
<p>Yeah, definitely.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:15:07</time>
<p>I have fired out so much stuff about PDA to people.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:11</time>
<p>No, I love that.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:12</time>
<p>Okay, so we've.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:13</time>
<p>Zara, you've mentioned, like, the different, like, really, you know, acknowledging that it's a process, and you even said.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:21</time>
<p>Took about four months where you felt like, I don't know if you, you know, maybe were waiting or.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:25</time>
<p>But you're like, what's happening?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:26</time>
<p>Like, you know, there hasn't been anything huge happening with the burnout recovery, and then it started kind of taking off.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:32</time>
<p>And also that's, you know, your experience.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:35</time>
<p>So anyone listening, it is really hard to, you know, compare family to family.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:39</time>
<p>But you've gone from your son being in burnout to understanding his needs at a, like, deeply, like, nervous system level, pulling everything back, even though it's hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:50</time>
<p>You've.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:15:50</time>
<p>You've pulled work back significantly and you've waited and now you've actually, like, with putting all these supports in place for your son, you're kind of out the other side.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:16:04</time>
<p>If you could offer one piece of advice or guidance to a mother or a parent or a caregiver who's listening to this conversation right now, who perhaps was in very similar shoes to you or similar shoes to you now that you were in before, what would you say to them?</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:22</time>
<p>I would want to give them a big hug first.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:16:26</time>
<p>Same.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:26</time>
<p>And just say that it was going to be okay.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:30</time>
<p>I didn't believe it back in December.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:33</time>
<p>No, December and January.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:35</time>
<p>Like, I did not think it was going to get better and could not see that it would, which I think is a real thing.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:42</time>
<p>When you're stuck in something, you can't see beyond where you are.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:46</time>
<p>But that it will take time.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:49</time>
<p>And I think that's the main thing.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:51</time>
<p>It will take quite a long time.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:53</time>
<p>But it is worth it.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:16:55</time>
<p>It is worth it to give their child the space and time they need to get through it.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:17:00</time>
<p>And then I think now for us, it's monitoring him closely and looking for the signs so that it doesn't like burnout will probably happen again and is likely to.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:17:10</time>
<p>I mean, he's got lots of things that could mean that could happen, but just making sure we don't push him.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:17:18</time>
<p>And we continue to take things slow.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:17:21</time>
<p>And also one thing which I think is useful for people to know is when things started to get better, maybe there were times when we thought, oh, it's great, you know, and we pushed too hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:17:32</time>
<p>And then the payoff for that was big.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:17:35</time>
<p>You know, it could be a few days where it got really hard again, but then he comes through it and it's just recognizing not to go too hard, too fast, but that it will get better and also find a community that will help you.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:17:53</time>
<p>And there's nothing like actually through this journey.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:17:57</time>
<p>I've shared a little bit on social media and people have reached out to me who have gone through a similar thing that I didn't know because no one really talks about it.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:18:06</time>
<p>So that's been really nice to connect with people who are down their journey and catching up with them, because that's the thing.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:18:14</time>
<p>You don't know what anyone's going through.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:18:16</time>
<p>And the more you talk about it and share, if you're comfortable with that, then you could help someone.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:18:21</time>
<p>And Shantao, I'm really happy you asked me to do this because if I could be that voice that could help someone to know that it is going to be okay and you're not alone, then that's amazing.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:18:34</time>
<p>Wow.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:18:34</time>
<p>You are amazing and your family's amazing and your progress is amazing because, yeah, you.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:18:39</time>
<p>I'm just so happy for you and I'm so glad that you have allowed me to share the story that you've offered with the listeners.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:18:46</time>
<p>Because like you said, I think we keep a lot of things in our struggles, whether it's judgment or whether it's just.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:18:53</time>
<p>We're just so overwhelmed as parents and trying to figure out how to support pda, autism, adhd, intersecting neurodivergence that it becomes really hard to know who to talk to, where to go for help.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:19:06</time>
<p>And so many people don't understand pda.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:19:08</time>
<p>So, yeah, if you're listening, Zara and I will both say that you are not alone.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:19:13</time>
<p>And please head on over to my Instagram and send me a dm.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:19:17</time>
<p>If you do want to join us within raising PDA community, we would absolutely love, love to have you and to have you have a very similar experience that Zara has just painted this awesome for as well.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:19:32</time>
<p>Is there anything else, Sara, that you wanted to add that I missed?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:19:35</time>
<p>Anything you want to share?</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:19:36</time>
<p>No, just thank you.</p>
<cite>Speaker C</cite>
<time>00:19:38</time>
<p>And I, I really like being part of the community.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:19:43</time>
<p>I love having you.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:19:44</time>
<p>And again, thank you so much.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:19:46</time>
<p>We'll see you in the next episode.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:19:52</time>
<p>Thank you so much for allowing me into your world today.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:19:55</time>
<p>Wherever you are around the globe.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:19:57</time>
<p>If you like what you've heard, I would be so grateful if you would click that subscribe button and comment below to tell me one thing.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:20:04</time>
<p>What support do you need?</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:20:07</time>
<p>This helps me create episodes that truly impact our shared community.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:20:11</time>
<p>By commenting, you not only help yourself, but you help make modern neurodiversity affirming autism support accessible to those who are searching for a better parenting approach.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:20:22</time>
<p>That actually feels good.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:20:25</time>
<p>I'm Chantal and I'll see you next week.</p>
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