If You're Dreading Back to School for Your PDA Child, This One's For You

<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:00:00</time>
<p>But if everyone around you is excited about Back to School and you are just wanting to cry and crawl under a rock, then this one is for you.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:11</time>
<p>Welcome to the Attuned Spectrum Podcast.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:13</time>
<p>I'm Chantal Hewitt, an RDHD mom, experienced educator, and autism support coach who understands your path because I also walk it daily.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:23</time>
<p>This is your space for real conversations that that empower your autistic child, yourself and your family to thrive here.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:30</time>
<p>We respect neurodiversity, cheer on advocacy, and leave judgment at the door.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:00:36</time>
<p>Join me inside this week's episode.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:00:44</time>
<p>No matter where you are in the world, there is some sort of schooling thing happening right now.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:00:49</time>
<p>You may have just come back from a long summer holiday.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:00:53</time>
<p>You may have just had a holiday weekend like a Thanksgiving weekend.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:00:57</time>
<p>You may be on the other side of the world, kind of where I am, Australia, New Zealand, ish side.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:03</time>
<p>And you may be going, oh yes, we've got that one term left, one term of school left.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:07</time>
<p>So maybe you're coming out of those holidays, but then you're about to enter the big Christmas holidays.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:12</time>
<p>So we do it opposite on this side and I'm from the other side that does it the opposite way that I just mentioned.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:17</time>
<p>So I hope all that made sense.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:18</time>
<p>But either way, if everyone around you or all you hear about is that back to School excitement, in one way or another, whether it's from a big break, a shorter break, or you're anticipating one and you are not excited, you're actually dreading it.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:33</time>
<p>Maybe your child is more regulated with you at home, maybe they're not as well.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:37</time>
<p>That could also be the case.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:38</time>
<p>But if everyone around you is excited about Back to School and you are just wanting to cry and crawl under a rock, then this one is for you.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:47</time>
<p>And I would like you to take this episode as permission to feel and do differently.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:01:53</time>
<p>Within this episode, I am going to be really clear on what this dread is that you are experiencing and I would like to validate that for you in regards to your neurodivergent child.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:04</time>
<p>I will be talking specifically about PDA here as well.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:07</time>
<p>I also would like to explain the reasons why this does show up in our neurodivergent children.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:14</time>
<p>Again, specific to demand avoidant profiles, pda.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:18</time>
<p>And then I would like to validate everything that you are feeling.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:21</time>
<p>You're not alone.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:22</time>
<p>And Back to school can really suck.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:24</time>
<p>It can also be really great, but it can also really suck.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:26</time>
<p>Okay, our neurodivergent children, specifically, if your child is autistic, that predictability, that need for routine, that sameness Transitions, shifting from one thing to the other.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:39</time>
<p>Being someone who hyper focuses and then finds it really hard once they're in that flow state to pull back or to then go do the next thing.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:49</time>
<p>Even if there's a bit of warning, they may need a lot of warning.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:52</time>
<p>They might need visual cues, they might need a timer, they might need whatever extra supports or accommodations.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:02:59</time>
<p>So if we already know that autistic children specifically really struggle to transition from one thing to the next, let alone if they've just been on holiday for a while or they've just been on school, gone on holiday, and then gone back, they're anticipating change.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:15</time>
<p>Okay, so they're already like their nervous systems, they're on high alert.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:19</time>
<p>So one of the biggest things that we can do is support them as we prepare them for a new routine.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:24</time>
<p>I would like you to think, what does that look like?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:26</time>
<p>Does it look like giving them a verbal heads up?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:28</time>
<p>Does it look like writing a story for them?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:31</time>
<p>Like one of those social stories?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:32</time>
<p>I hate that word, social story.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:33</time>
<p>But hopefully the world, when I say that, at least knows what I'm talking about.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:37</time>
<p>There are new demands.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:39</time>
<p>Their nervous system is under extra pressure.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:41</time>
<p>They may be, you know, you might have that excitement of, hey, we need to get new shoes.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:46</time>
<p>Hey, we need to get a new bag.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:47</time>
<p>We need to get new lunchbox, new clothes, new water bottle, new drink bottle.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:51</time>
<p>What else new do you want?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:52</time>
<p>Yay.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:53</time>
<p>Yay.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:53</time>
<p>Back to school.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:54</time>
<p>But they might be going, oh, I just figured out what it was like to be on a school holiday.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:03:58</time>
<p>And now I've got to go back to the place that puts a lot of pressure on me, where I have to mask, a place that actually doesn't feel safe and secure as my home does.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:08</time>
<p>So I've actually just listed so many things in there that isn't just for a transitional change or a new routine.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:14</time>
<p>Because even though their behavior is so challenging, if you have a PDA kid who feels everything so deeply, all the demand avoidance that sits internally, and they're also trying to do right by their teacher.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:27</time>
<p>They're trying to, you know, appease their parents.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:30</time>
<p>It all can just come crashing down when they get home.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:32</time>
<p>And they don't mean to, but you usually get that.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:35</time>
<p>And they may feel bad about that.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:37</time>
<p>They may not want you to see that side.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:40</time>
<p>They may feel pressure on so many levels to play with certain friends or to be social when they don't want to be, or to start a new sporting activity or a new club or try really hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:04:53</time>
<p>And it could even be that just them getting up and getting to school is all the energy that they have for that day.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:00</time>
<p>And this isn't even to bring into this conversation yet, but I don't want to exclude you if this is you in your experience or your child's experience.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:08</time>
<p>But if there is school refusal going on or if you are homeschooling, like there's so many different shifts that happen that I think as adults, because we have so many things going on, like I'm autistic as an adult and I mess this up all the time.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:23</time>
<p>I just don't take a minute when I'm in my rushing state or when I'm dysregulated to actually realize how dysregulating a transition time is going to be for my child and what I can do to prepare them for it or to have conversations with educators, send an email, make sure that my child knows that I support them or ask them how they want to be supported.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:46</time>
<p>So all those things can come into play here.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:05:48</time>
<p>So those are some of the reasons why it actually is quite challenging for PDA children, teenagers, as they head back to school, even our young adults, depending on if they're in college, university, a trade school, tertiary college, an apprenticeship, volunteering.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:06:05</time>
<p>So many things, so many big transitions, so many expectations.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:06:10</time>
<p>So while it could be really exciting for the kid next door, the parents next door or the parents are going get out of the house, can't wait to not be on holidays, it could actually be that you feel like you want to die inside.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:06:22</time>
<p>And I would now like to get into my second point, which is permission for you to do so and to feel that way.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:06:29</time>
<p>I hope you don't stay there for too long, but it is okay to pull back is what I'm getting at.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:06:34</time>
<p>Maybe not necessarily die inside for too long.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:06:35</time>
<p>So.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:06:36</time>
<p>So I would like to say loud and clear, this is your permission to pull back.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:06:41</time>
<p>This is your permission to take things slow, to not sign up for the third activity for your child for that week.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:06:49</time>
<p>I'm sure they're not gonna, you know, in 20 years be mad that you didn't get them into that extra day of swimming or you know, the early bird soccer tryouts, unless they're obviously related to soccer, could be a bad example.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:02</time>
<p>But it's okay to go slow, it's okay to support them, it's okay to transition lightly.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:08</time>
<p>Coming back from holidays as well.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:10</time>
<p>And by that I mean do you need to have a conversation with the school or the teacher about accommodating how often or like their drop off times, their pickup times do you maybe need to have a conversation with your employer if you are working to say, hey, my kid really needs me for the next few weeks, or even just for a few days, if that's what you can swing, and just be there for them, if that helps.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:30</time>
<p>So permission granted to let those first few weeks back at school look different.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:35</time>
<p>They are allowed to be.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:37</time>
<p>Your child is different, so it makes sense that it'll be different.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:40</time>
<p>It doesn't mean your child isn't resilient.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:42</time>
<p>It just means that they're actually trying to survive this big transition in a world that actually isn't created to accommodate their nervous system and their specific needs.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:51</time>
<p>And I do just want to validate that.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:07:53</time>
<p>If this is your experience, if this isn't exciting, if you are that person listening who wants to crawl into that hole, that rock, whatever I had said at the beginning and kind of lie there for a while and hold yourself, give yourself a big hug, it's okay that this doesn't feel exciting for you.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:09</time>
<p>It's okay that it is hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:10</time>
<p>It is also very real that your child is having these feelings and yourself.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:15</time>
<p>So if that is you trying to crawl under the rock, I have been there too.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:20</time>
<p>And it is okay.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:21</time>
<p>You won't live there forever.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:23</time>
<p>But I will say, if possible, put as many supportive accommodations in place to help your child during this transition that is again, connecting with teachers, seeing what you can ease yourself into preparing for transitions, writing things down.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:39</time>
<p>Does your child have an iep?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:41</time>
<p>Do they have modifications?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:43</time>
<p>Do they have a learning plan that is individualized to support them?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:46</time>
<p>Do you have external or government support that can come into the school?</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:50</time>
<p>Bit tricky if you're already just about to start, but if this is something that you can call upon, then do that.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:08:56</time>
<p>If we don't advocate for our children in a schooling system that was not made for them and doesn't support them as the majority learner, then no one else is going to ever advocate as hard.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:07</time>
<p>Because a teacher has 30 plus sometimes other children and their own kids, family, that kind of thing.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:14</time>
<p>It's not that they don't care, but they do not have the same buy in that you do as their parent.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:20</time>
<p>You can fight hard, you can fight in the evenings, you can do everything possible to make sure that people accommodate.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:25</time>
<p>And you were also governed by or supported by legislation as well.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:29</time>
<p>So as we close this episode, no matter where you fit, whether you are excited, whether you are worried, whether it is a hard season for you, I hope that you get through it and I know that you will as well.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:39</time>
<p>Here's your permission slip to let it be slow.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:43</time>
<p>Maybe you'll enjoy it more that way.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:44</time>
<p>Maybe your child will too.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:46</time>
<p>Reduce the pressure.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:47</time>
<p>You don't need to go fast.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:48</time>
<p>They're only a kid for X amount of years.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:50</time>
<p>Depending on how old your child is, they may only have a couple years left in that childhood.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:55</time>
<p>Or they may actually be out of the house now or be into their young adulthood.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:09:58</time>
<p>And you are absolutely right to feel the feelings that you feel.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:02</time>
<p>Thank you for listening.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:03</time>
<p>I cannot wait for you to join next week.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:08</time>
<p>I have a very, very special guest for you.</p>
<cite>Speaker A</cite>
<time>00:10:13</time>
<p>We are going to dive right on into how to support and how to identify before we support our PDA child in burnout.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:10:24</time>
<p>Thank you so much for allowing me into your world today.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:10:27</time>
<p>Wherever you are around the globe.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:10:29</time>
<p>If you like what you've heard, I would be so grateful if you would click that subscribe button and comment below to tell me one thing.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:10:37</time>
<p>What support do you need?</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:10:39</time>
<p>This helps me create episodes that truly impact our shared community.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:10:44</time>
<p>By commenting, you not only help yourself, but you help make modern neurodiversity affirming autism support accessible to those who are searching for a better parenting approach.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:10:54</time>
<p>That actually feels good.</p>
<cite>Speaker B</cite>
<time>00:10:57</time>
<p>I'm Chantal and I'll see you next week.</p>