Back to All Episodes
When Low Demand Parenting Stops Working for PDA (The Mistake Almost No One in the PDA Space is Talking About)
Sep 23, 2026 17:15

When Low Demand Parenting Stops Working for PDA (The Mistake Almost No One in the PDA Space is Talking About)

When Low Demand Parenting Stops Working for PDA (The Mistake Almost No One in the PDA Space is Talking About)
Attuned Spectrum: Low Demand Parenting Support for PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidant) & Neurodivergent Children, Teens and Young Adults
0:00 17:15

About this episode

I am sharing the second of the three biggest mistakes I see parents of PDA Autistic and neurodivergent children make (unintentionally of course), when they are trying to support their PDA Autistic or neurodivergent child, teen or young adult out of burnout.

If you have done all the low demand parenting work, understand PDA to a T, know that behaviour is not defiance, and yet you feel like you have disappeared in your own home, this episode is for you. This is for all parents of neurodivergent children (specifically Autistic and/or ADHD with a PDA Pathological Demand Avoidant profile) who are struggling to work out how much to pull back and how much is a boundary they need to hold.

Last week I named trap number one: pushing too hard and trying to widen tolerance when there is nothing left in your child's nervous system to widen. This week is the opposite trap, and it is one almost nobody in the PDA space is naming. It is what happens when reducing demands quietly turns into no structure, no boundaries and no guidance at all, and how that shift keeps families stuck for a completely different reason than the first trap.

Key takeaways from this episode:

  • Reducing demands is essential, but somewhere along the way it can quietly turn into no structure, no boundaries and no guidance left at all, and that leaves both you and your child with nowhere to stand
  • If you feel like you have lost yourself, lost control of your home, or in some cases feel like you are in an abusive dynamic with your child, that feeling is valid and it is a signal something needs to shift
  • When we pull back too much, the responsibility for structure and decision-making can quietly fall onto our child, and for a nervous system already at zero capacity, that is not relief, it is a new demand
  • Holding a boundary rooted in safety, family needs, or your values does not make you too strict or mean you are getting low-demand parenting wrong
  • Co-regulation requires you to be regulated too, and your own nervous system is part of your child's burnout recovery
  • The real question is not "push harder or let go completely." It is how do I hold a boundary of safety and find that tricky balance while my child finds their way out of burnout

I also share a piece of the work I do with parents inside my group coaching program: values work. When a family is deep in burnout and does not know which way to pull or push, values work is how we figure out what genuinely has to stay in place to protect the whole family, and what can be flexible in this season. It is one of the most foundational and mindset-shifting parts of what I teach, and I unpack why it matters so much when you are moving your child out of burnout.

If you are listening for the third and final trap in this series, stay tuned for next week. It is one of my favourites to unpack, and it is the one I see almost every family fall into without realising, until they finally name it.

Chapters